Feedback for Kevin:
I really like the title “Journey of Echoes” and I think it captures the essence of this story right from the start. I really like how you described the opening scene, with a lot of detail and thus brought it even closer to the audience. The conversations between John and the bartender successfully capture both John’s spirit of exploration and the bartender’s wisdom. I also really like how you use the metaphorical language:”You wear your troubles like an old coat.” in order to make the story deeper.
The introduction of Isabella as a fellow traveler adds an interesting dynamic, expanding the scope of John’s journey. I think you could develop this character more deeply because I think she has the potential to bring some new experience to this story.
I think you described Africa very vividly as well as his connection with the local people. You focus on how he transforms and develops as a result of the trials he encounters in Africa, and I am looking forward to see how the story will develop further and what are the trials that happened to him.
Overall, I think the story is very well thought out and you can develop it in different ways. Although the story is still not completely finished, I can’t wait to see how you will develop your story and what will happen with John.
Feedback from Kevin:
The feedback I got was to think about adding more depth to all the characters’ personalities and emotions to make them feel better and more appealing. I think that’s great feedback and I applied it to my story. I added a few paragraphs for each character, bringing their personalities and emotions even closer to the audience. I also took feedback that I could further increase the tension in the conflict between Alex and the group led by Maria to better explain Maria’s desire for revenge. Regarding this feedback, I have added a few paragraphs that will better describe this conflict, because I think that I initially described this conflict very superficially and it was not clear enough for the audience why the conflict arose. Also regarding feedback, I have expanded the choices that can be chosen and thus expanded the interactive part of the story. This will have a positive effect on the audience because the story will be more interesting for the readers and they will have the opportunity to influence the way the story will develop.