This is the first draft of my project. With the backdrop of a threshold of civilization and nature, I decided to use the song “Clash of Worlds” by Rocco DeLuca because of the way it coincides with the story that I want to tell. With that, I came up with a rough draft of a voice over script that I’ll continue to work on this week to better fit with the music and video.
1 Response
Great script, but it would be better if personalized–it feels like anyone could say this; what makes it uniquely your voice? What specific details let us know this is a real person speaking?
Music could be lower to hear narration better.
Theme: Interesting reflection of a contrast–does this split persist? you end with resilience it would be good if a hint of how the narrator will be resilient in the face of change, seasons, constructions, progress…
also those woods have not always “been here” they too are recent and followed deforestation, logging and/or agriculture.
Your stillness scene isn’t still…hmm
and
this isn’t nature–it’s a small early succession woods–use the specific or it’s a cliche.
Cross fades work well, but could also be thematic–how things transform?
interesting speeding up of pace for the thematic speeding up part, great steel & soil phrase.
Nice reveal beyond fence to buildings/campus
Good story arc, but both nature and narrator need detail, personalization to escape cliche.