Parker Gray
NMD 443
Task 6
The sun dipped low, casting a warm glow across campus as I sat outside the adjacent bodega in the car I’d owned since I was 16. Ethan, grinning ear to ear after successfully acquiring a 30 pack of beer with his botched fake id, was already yapping up a storm about the night ahead. Joey, beside him, rolled his eyes as they opened the car door.
“DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!” Ethan yelled, hiding behind the headrest. “Lets get this party started…”
I chuckled. “Shut up man, toss me the change”
Joey chuckled. “What change? Its been $30 for 30 since before you were born”
I shrugged and let out a sigh. “Whatever man.”
The chatter about the upcoming party droned through the drive back towards fraternity row, the routine felt almost too familiar.
as we approached the frat house, my home for the past semester. The energy could be sensed from miles away, and the word ‘pregame’ had been engraved in our brains by this point. Our fellow brothers were already gearing up for the nights’ spectacle, transforming the house into a den of flashing lights and celebration.
Ethan smiled. “Last one of the semester, lets make it count.”
As we stepped inside, the buzz of preparation could be juiced. The red cups were properly stacked, the speakers were strategically placed, and the unmistakable scent of sticky floors and Marijuana loomed. It was a familiar scene, but something else lingered in the air, like a subtle undertone.
That’s when I spotted Peter, ‘lip’, as we knew him, as he dropped the couch he was moving.
“Mark, my man!” he called out, a smirk playing on his lips. “Streets are saying a couple sororities have your name circled on their chapter room whiteboards”
I exchanged a quick sarcastic nod with Ethan and Joey, masking any reservations. “How exciting for us all, lip!”
Internally, though, something twinged. Lip had a way of acting pompous towards women, which never bothered me enough to say anything, especially as a younger member of the fraternity. It wasn’t uncommon for these sorta things to be shrugged off by us all, it’s a part of the camaraderie we all share as brothers. But tonight, as the subtle undertone persisted, it bothered me more than it usually did.
As we continued the party prep, I couldn’t shake that feeling that tonight’s song and dance might take a turn.
As the night unfolded, the frat house morphed into a pulsating hub of activity. The beat of the all too familiar ‘Thursday night playlist’ reverberated through the walls, drowning out individual conversations and blending into a collective rhythm of celebration. The semester was finally coming to a close. I found myself navigating through the crowd, giving smiles and waves.
Random acquaintances from past adventures greeted me enthusiastically, each interaction a brief pause in the fast-paced dance of the party. “Mark, buddy, long time no see!” they’d shout. Some call me well-versed in the art of keeping appearances.
The energy only increased, and the sea of faces, 90% of which I didn’t know, waved back and forth to me like an ocean of excitement and fleeting connections. Through the chaos, I caught sight of Lip, still in the midst of his own version of paradise, surrounded by a group of enthusiastic disciples. I joined in on the banter, mirroring that camaraderie while internally grappling with the dissonance of our earlier exchange. This was my family away from my family, at least for now.
In the corner of the room, I glimpsed a girl. She stood apart from the crowd, her demeanor confident yet unassuming. Something about her presence resonated differently, like a pause in the constant rhythm of the party. As I approached her, the noise around us seemed to soften, creating a brief oasis of calm within the chaotic celebration.
“Hey,” I greeted her, a genuine smile breaking through the facade I’d worn for most of the night. “Who do you know here?”
She returned the smile, much less enthusiastically I must say, her eyes scanned me, presuming the worst. “Im mutuals with – -“
I chuckled, completely missing the last part, not that It really mattered to me in the first place. “Mark.” I stuck my hand out.
“Mary,” she shook reluctantly. “You live here I assume?”
“Yeah, I’m somewhat new”, I looked over at Lip, a seasoned veteran, still distracted by his riot.
She continued. “I came to see what all the fuss is about, I live just down the street.”
Lip grabbed me. His Drunken Stupor could be sensed by a blind man. I guess his 30 pack came and went. “Where the hell have you been?” he slurred.
I turned around, and she was gone.
I really like your imagery and writing style. This is a promising beginning and I’m very interested in where this story could possibly go. Will this be someone that the protagonist sees often but never fully aligns timelines with until a certain point? Will they begin some sort of relationship (good or bad) after this and the conflict will arise from that? Excited to read more!
this was exciting to read it kept me engaged, it moves smoothly from scene to scene, showcasing the progression of the party and the protagonist’s internal reflections. However, the narrative lacks a strong sense of tension or climax to keep readers fully engaged. Each section transitions logically to the next, but the story could benefit from more depth and development to elevate it beyond a typical frat party narrative. Overall, your draft is well-written and engaging, i enjoyed it.